I can't believe that time has slipped by so quickly in the past few months. This blog got off to a rocky start in December. Shortly after beginning, I lost my internet connection for over a week due to a bad modem. Once that was resolved, I was able to get started with the blog. While I never became a daily poster, I tried to add a few things now and then.
Then it hit.
Life, that is. I became so busy with things going on around the house and activities my kids were involved in, one of which involved extensive overnight travel many weekends over the past two months. It has been a crazy couple of months, but fun in many ways. But I have not been doing any writing which is bad, because that was one of my personal goals for the year. I have always enjoyed writing, but finding time to do it on a regular basis has been challenging. Now that Spring has sprung, the wonderful world of outdoor chores is upon me.
So this will serve as possibly the only post I will have to show for April. Well, at least I won't go O'fer the month, like I did in March.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Kids and Cell Phones
Today the cell phone bill arrived. This was not good news for my son. The son, who three quarters of the way through the past monthly billing cycle, realized that much of the talking he was doing with his friends was not "in" calling.
Uh Oh!
Well, today the final results are in and the dude is in debt. Big Time.
Now having three kids with cell phones gets to be pretty expensive, but we did our homework before we signed on with our current company. The homework consisted of asking our kids what company their friends had their phones with. Most had Verizon, so that is what we went with. Seemed like a good idea. Now the above mentioned son is in high school, and has become friends with some "Non Verizon People"(NVP's).
I had heard the horror stories of too many text messages or talking too many minutes. But those were problems that other people had with their kids. Not me, my kids know better. Any way, I have unlimited text messages and 1400 shared minutes. Seemed like more than enough for our family because of all the free Verizon to Verizon minutes. We call each other, it's free. Kids call the Verizon friends, it's free. What could be the problem?
Well, evidently my son has discovered the problem, and it is talking almost constantly with NVP's. So the 1400 minutes turned into 1688 minutes. Eighty percent of those, that's 1354, were used by my one and only son. Now, he owes me $115.20. Ouch! Now as long as the house phone doesn't have that same billing arangement, we should be ok, because that is my son's new comunication device.
And now, if anyone needs me, they can call me on my cell phone. As long they are Verizon customers that is.
Uh Oh!
Well, today the final results are in and the dude is in debt. Big Time.
Now having three kids with cell phones gets to be pretty expensive, but we did our homework before we signed on with our current company. The homework consisted of asking our kids what company their friends had their phones with. Most had Verizon, so that is what we went with. Seemed like a good idea. Now the above mentioned son is in high school, and has become friends with some "Non Verizon People"(NVP's).
I had heard the horror stories of too many text messages or talking too many minutes. But those were problems that other people had with their kids. Not me, my kids know better. Any way, I have unlimited text messages and 1400 shared minutes. Seemed like more than enough for our family because of all the free Verizon to Verizon minutes. We call each other, it's free. Kids call the Verizon friends, it's free. What could be the problem?
Well, evidently my son has discovered the problem, and it is talking almost constantly with NVP's. So the 1400 minutes turned into 1688 minutes. Eighty percent of those, that's 1354, were used by my one and only son. Now, he owes me $115.20. Ouch! Now as long as the house phone doesn't have that same billing arangement, we should be ok, because that is my son's new comunication device.
And now, if anyone needs me, they can call me on my cell phone. As long they are Verizon customers that is.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Date Night
Last Friday night, my wife and I were able to spend some time together without the kids around. Between my son's practice, and my daughters' going ice skating and to a basketball game, we had a few hours to ourselves. We thought we would try someplace different for dinner. My wife had heard of a little Chinese place near our home and we decided to try it. It was a nice little place, but the food was only ok. Well, that is being generous. After our less than perfect dinner, we went to Barnes & Noble and strolled around there for a while browsing the books and then off to enjoy coffee at Caribou. Not the most exciting date, but we were able to talk and just enjoy each others company, something it seems we never have time to do anymore. I hope we can do it again soon.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Ground Hog Day eve.....
I was reminded on the news this morning that tommorrow is Ground Hog Day. Oh, the excitement is building. Who wouldn't get excited about waiting for a furry little rodent to emerge from a hole to check if he sees his shadow and give us all great insight into the coming weeks of a either a longer winter, or an early spring.
I can only imagine that this all started with a group of friends who had consumed more than a few cold frosty adult beverages. On the stumble home, one of the friends must have stepped into a hole in the ground and refused to get back up. Another stumbler would say
"Are ya goin ta lay there till spring?"
"I might, it won't be long"
"will too, it is only Febreeewairy...."
"no, the little furry guy told me spring is goin ta come early dis year"
"what?"
"the owner of dis hole told me so"
"you stepped in a rodent hole ya moron"
"he told me!"
"how'd he know dat?"
"said he didn't see a shadow"
"what?"
"yep, no shadow"
"what's dat gotta do wit it?"
"he knows"
"yer drunk"
"am not"
"ya are, I'm leaving"
at which time our standing friend trips on a hole himself and says
"ya might be on to something, he just told me too"
I can only imagine that this all started with a group of friends who had consumed more than a few cold frosty adult beverages. On the stumble home, one of the friends must have stepped into a hole in the ground and refused to get back up. Another stumbler would say
"Are ya goin ta lay there till spring?"
"I might, it won't be long"
"will too, it is only Febreeewairy...."
"no, the little furry guy told me spring is goin ta come early dis year"
"what?"
"the owner of dis hole told me so"
"you stepped in a rodent hole ya moron"
"he told me!"
"how'd he know dat?"
"said he didn't see a shadow"
"what?"
"yep, no shadow"
"what's dat gotta do wit it?"
"he knows"
"yer drunk"
"am not"
"ya are, I'm leaving"
at which time our standing friend trips on a hole himself and says
"ya might be on to something, he just told me too"
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Surprised By One, But Not The Other
Today I heard the news that John Edwards is pulling out of the presidential race. The timing of this surprises me because it less than one week before "Super Tuesday". I am not really surprised that he has decided to drop out, it is just the timing of it. One more week may not have made any difference in his run, but I thought that he would have stuck in there to see what more of the voters had to say. I thought that he may have been able to secure enough votes from the primaries to demonstrate that he was relevant in this campaign, and could be an asset as a potential vice president running mate. I have not read enough about Edwards decision to know what factored into the timing of it. Could it be that he felt that he would only be hurt by many disappointing results on Super Tuesday? I hope that he does have a chance to be part of the Democratic ticket and, or the administration if elected. I like a lot of his ideas and hope that his input is sought in developing the direction of the party in the national election.
What didn't surprise me is the speculation that Rudy G is dropping out of the race. I think it turned out to be much more difficult to form a national following than he expected. For me, and many of the folks I talk to, he just had too much personal baggage and not enough national experience to be considered a legitimate candidate.
What didn't surprise me is the speculation that Rudy G is dropping out of the race. I think it turned out to be much more difficult to form a national following than he expected. For me, and many of the folks I talk to, he just had too much personal baggage and not enough national experience to be considered a legitimate candidate.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Oh, I can't believe I did that........
Saturday morning started with such great promise. Before 8:00 AM, I headed off to the hardware store to purchase my supplies for the project of the day. This was a relatively small job, but one that my wife has been wanting done for some time now. Well the day had arrived, I was on my way. Or so I thought. I spent a few minutes searching for the centerpiece of the project. I find the aisle, walk a bit to the display, and it turns out that there are quite a few fluorescent shop lights to choose from at my local Lowe's store. OK, so "centerpiece of the project" might be a bit strong to describe a light fixture, but hey, it's my story.
I compared the options of the 3 or 4 lights that I thought would best complete the project. I decide upon my favorite, and check the location under the display where it is kept. No luck, my choice is sold out. That takes me back to looking for contestant number two. I look, I think about, I decide. This time it is victory, the light is in stock. I pull the box out, place it in my cart and start looking around for the light bulbs. No point installing a light without light bulbs. Kind of defeats the whole purpose of the thing. I can't find any bulbs in the aisle I am in or the ones to either side of it. It turns out that the light bulbs are displayed in a completely different area, about a third of the way through the store. Off to pick out the bulbs I go. Sounds simple enough. Yeah, right.
I look at all of the choices, searching for what I need. Almost all of these bulbs come in large quantities. I need two. Not thirty, not even twelve. The bulbs are rated for 20,000 hours each. Doing the quick math, I decide that I don't need over one hundred thousand hours of light to do laundry. I notice that a different type of bulb is available in a two pack. My decision is made. So back across the store I go to select a different fixture. My choices are somewhat limited for this bulb, and quite a bit more expensive. Once again I do the quick math and figure out that I would save money by having over one hundred thousand hours of light and my original fixture, compared to the more expensive light with only two bulbs. My frustration level started to rise just a bit at this point as I contemplated going to a different store to check out the selection. No, I decide, this will work, and besides I can install some lights in the garage, after all I have wanted to upgrade that as well. So I'm off to the electric aisle to get what I need to convert my current one bulb fixture into an outlet to plug in my new fluorescent light. I search through the various options, make my choices and head home to really get started.
As I carry everything downstairs, I think about all the steps I need to get this light installed. Step one, turn off the power. No problem there, except now I am standing in the dark. I go to get a flashlight. As I get to its location, I hear my teenage son asking if somebody turned off the power. I confirmed his suspicions only to be told that he was in the middle of a shower and he couldn't see with no light in the bathroom. Why my second floor bathroom and basement lights are on the same circuit baffles me, but they are and I am now in wait mode.
Finally I get started and disassemble the old light, disconnect the wires and start to install the new box to put the outlet in. As I am doing this I realize that I didn't buy the clamps to keep the wires in the box, so I need to head back to Lowe's to get my wire clamps. On my way out the door, my wife asks me if I minded if she went with me, no I say, come on. The moment she climbs in the truck, I know I am in for it. "Can we stop at the bookstore?" she asks, "it's right beside Lowe's". Sure, no problem. One thing leads to another, and I finally get my wire clamp home about two and a half hours later. After grabbing a quick bite for lunch, I head back down to the basement. I start by attaching the wire clamp to the gang box, thread the wires through the box and try to get the clamp screwed into the little hole inside the little box. Dropped the clamp, not once, not twice, not even three times, but six times before I finally get the little screw into the little hole in the little box. Now I am ready to attach the outlet to the wires.
As I reach down to pick up the outlet, I see, right in front of my face, not two feet away from me, an outlet, that the washing machine is plugged into. My jaw drops. How could I be so stupid? I can't believe this, all that I have gone through to get this done, and there is an outlet already there, right where I need it. I look up and think of my options. I decide to undo what I have done, and put the original light back up. Yep, about 6 hours after originally going to buy my new light, I am at the point where I can actually install my light.
It takes me 8 minutes.
I spent all day on an 8 minute installation. I can't believe it, but my wife is happy. For two things, the new light, and the fact that she can make fun of me for this whole fiasco.
I compared the options of the 3 or 4 lights that I thought would best complete the project. I decide upon my favorite, and check the location under the display where it is kept. No luck, my choice is sold out. That takes me back to looking for contestant number two. I look, I think about, I decide. This time it is victory, the light is in stock. I pull the box out, place it in my cart and start looking around for the light bulbs. No point installing a light without light bulbs. Kind of defeats the whole purpose of the thing. I can't find any bulbs in the aisle I am in or the ones to either side of it. It turns out that the light bulbs are displayed in a completely different area, about a third of the way through the store. Off to pick out the bulbs I go. Sounds simple enough. Yeah, right.
I look at all of the choices, searching for what I need. Almost all of these bulbs come in large quantities. I need two. Not thirty, not even twelve. The bulbs are rated for 20,000 hours each. Doing the quick math, I decide that I don't need over one hundred thousand hours of light to do laundry. I notice that a different type of bulb is available in a two pack. My decision is made. So back across the store I go to select a different fixture. My choices are somewhat limited for this bulb, and quite a bit more expensive. Once again I do the quick math and figure out that I would save money by having over one hundred thousand hours of light and my original fixture, compared to the more expensive light with only two bulbs. My frustration level started to rise just a bit at this point as I contemplated going to a different store to check out the selection. No, I decide, this will work, and besides I can install some lights in the garage, after all I have wanted to upgrade that as well. So I'm off to the electric aisle to get what I need to convert my current one bulb fixture into an outlet to plug in my new fluorescent light. I search through the various options, make my choices and head home to really get started.
As I carry everything downstairs, I think about all the steps I need to get this light installed. Step one, turn off the power. No problem there, except now I am standing in the dark. I go to get a flashlight. As I get to its location, I hear my teenage son asking if somebody turned off the power. I confirmed his suspicions only to be told that he was in the middle of a shower and he couldn't see with no light in the bathroom. Why my second floor bathroom and basement lights are on the same circuit baffles me, but they are and I am now in wait mode.
Finally I get started and disassemble the old light, disconnect the wires and start to install the new box to put the outlet in. As I am doing this I realize that I didn't buy the clamps to keep the wires in the box, so I need to head back to Lowe's to get my wire clamps. On my way out the door, my wife asks me if I minded if she went with me, no I say, come on. The moment she climbs in the truck, I know I am in for it. "Can we stop at the bookstore?" she asks, "it's right beside Lowe's". Sure, no problem. One thing leads to another, and I finally get my wire clamp home about two and a half hours later. After grabbing a quick bite for lunch, I head back down to the basement. I start by attaching the wire clamp to the gang box, thread the wires through the box and try to get the clamp screwed into the little hole inside the little box. Dropped the clamp, not once, not twice, not even three times, but six times before I finally get the little screw into the little hole in the little box. Now I am ready to attach the outlet to the wires.
As I reach down to pick up the outlet, I see, right in front of my face, not two feet away from me, an outlet, that the washing machine is plugged into. My jaw drops. How could I be so stupid? I can't believe this, all that I have gone through to get this done, and there is an outlet already there, right where I need it. I look up and think of my options. I decide to undo what I have done, and put the original light back up. Yep, about 6 hours after originally going to buy my new light, I am at the point where I can actually install my light.
It takes me 8 minutes.
I spent all day on an 8 minute installation. I can't believe it, but my wife is happy. For two things, the new light, and the fact that she can make fun of me for this whole fiasco.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
John Cleese's Letter To America
This is too funny. This letter has been floating around the web since about 2000, if you believe what you read on the internet, and was most likely not written by John Cleese. Not sure who the author is, but it is funny.
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
